I don't know how many of you are in a blended family, but those of you who are know, it's tough! I have been with my Fiance for going on 3 years. His two children were only 2 and 3, and mine was 3. Then a year and a half later, together, we had another child. To say the least our family is blended and a great mix but it hasn't ever been easy.
My fiance and the kids mom don't get along well most of the time and up until 8 months ago we lived 2 . 5 hours from the kids. There was always fighting, no communication, and never co-parenting. If he tried to talk to her it always got out of control and if she tried to talk to him the same would happen, there was just no common ground. I'm sure it is that way for many people.
When we moved here, where the kids live, in the fall of 2011 I was not happy about it. I had just figured out my way around the town we were living and I loved it there. I had a couple good friends and things were going well. Thank god the same is going for this town but I think moving here made me resent the kids mom, I felt in many ways it was her fault for me having to move my family. After a little while of thinking and realizing this was my life, I have always been a 'make the best of it' kind of person so this time wasn't going to be any different. So after living here for a few weeks I decided I was determined to make this enjoyable, no more fighting, hostility, and more of seeing the good things that can come from this. I started talking with the kids mom, and realizing we have more in common than I ever would have thought. It was almost a weight lifted off my shoulders because I knew then that even if my fiance and her didn't and couldn't get along at least there were 2 of us that could. Being closer to the kids has opened up so many doors and allowed us to be so much closer to them physically and emotionally. Kids NEED both of their parents no matter how much each parents wishes they didn't need the other one sometimes. We have our bumps in the road still but there is more compromise, open communication, and effort than I ever could have imagined.
I used to get really upset because I have always done so much for all the kids, and my step kids, no matter how hard I tried always preferred their Mom. It used to drive me nuts and hurt my heart all at once!! Over this time of change I have accepted that she is their mom and she deserves all that credit, no matter how different we parent she IS their mom and its not my place to even hope they will prefer me for a min! I am happy now to be able to say they have their biological parents and they have 2 step parents that love them, they shouldn't have any problem not having someone to talk to or be involved with them over the years.
I have always been able to put myself in others shoes, I'm a very empathetic person and able to try my hardest to understand your feelings. I think I got so caught up in the negative feelings they had for each other it didn't allow me to even try to process positive feelings.
Step parenting is tough, but it can be done gracefully. We will always be a work in progress, and I think all 4 of us will feel at one time or another that we deserve the credit for this or that but in all actuality we ALL deserve the credit, these kids will turn out to be amazing!
Perfectly said!
ReplyDelete